There is NO fear in Love

"I Love You" seems to be a response many of us use very often. Do we realize the weight and implications of such a statement? Do we even consider the responsibilities we place on ourselves by uttering such a statement so loosely?

In the book, "The Five Love Languages", author Gary Chapman seeks to make it clear to all that love is a choice. It is nearly impossible to love when you are full of hurt, anger or resentment over past failures. We were created with the ability to choose that which is good versus that which is evil. The question then is what makes us fearful of embracing the beauty of love or feeling the freedom that love can give? The problem I see is that our inability to love must have everything to do with HOW we love and WHO we are allowing to interfere our love relationship?

In the Garden of Eden, before Eve came on the scene, there was God and Adam. God loved Adam so much that he placed him in a beautiful environment with everything he could ever want or need at his disposal. Even though God had already set Adam up with the very best, He didn't stop at considering his needs and continued to ponder on ways to express His love to Adam. Thus, here comes another act of love, Eve. They were chilling, living it up. A life of freedom ... no fear, no doubt, no stress, no lack ... life was great. They had a firm foundation in knowing that there was one who loved them enough to provide them with the very best. Yes, they always had a choice, which daily resulted in choosing God over any other. It was not logical or even an option to consider another when God had already proven to be faithful. The problem arose when they allowed another to interfere with their love relationship and plant seeds of discord.  They became at fault when they allowed it to alter their confidence in their love relationship and then act accordingly.  When we have a good thing, it should be expected that there will be someone watching that seeks to disrupt our happiness, our joy, our feeling of overwhelming satisfaction.  The task we have is protecting our relationship from such opposition and being on guard at all times. When we choose to love, we must take the position that we will be so committed to loving that we will not allow any negativity to taint our atmosphere.

Fear is a big killer in relationships. Fear of being hurt, fear of being left alone, fear of not having your needs met, and the list goes on and on. What we must focus on is loving someone so much that we no longer are concerned with ourselves, but solely on giving the very best to them so that they feel overwhelmed by our love. Yes, I know many of us have taken the stand (at one point or another) that we want to be reassured that we will get a return on our investment before we give our heart. We can only truly get to the essence of love by following Christ's example ...

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." ~ John 3:16 (NIV)

By following Christ example, we find a love that was completely and totally selfless and consumed with the mere fact that He wanted to see us be blessed and free. Did He hesitate on sacrificing all of Himself to see if we would love back? Absolutely not! He didn't even hesitate in fulfilling His great sacrifice in light of what abuse and opposition He would face. His love was FEAR-less. He was assured that His love act would be more than enough to satisfy His own needs and then knowing that He pleased God in the process was even more satisfying.

Fear paralyzes us from being able to give of ourselves.  It causes us to make hasty decisions as we attempt to protect ourselves from the very ones doing their best to love us.  My challenge is for us all to move from fear to focus on the fact that love involves submitting yourself in a way that leaves the other party reassured that you want the very best for them.  If we follow Jesus' example, we will love in a way that is selfless and more about pleasing someone else.

When an action doesn't come naturally to you, it is a greater expression of love. 

(excerpt from The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman)

Let us all evaluate our motives and our ability to step up to the plate and be selfless BEFORE we loosely utter the words "I Love You".  Before someone else gets hurt, before lives have been damaged, make sure you are ready to be a GIVER not a TAKER.

Paralyzed by the Unknown

Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light? 

~ Maurice Freehill 

I recall as a child, I would go on vacation with my family and see many people enjoying themselves in the pool or in the water at the beach. I wanted to join in the fun but I was paralyzed by fear. I had grown up hearing of a family friend who became paralyzed after diving into a shallow area and it frightened me to death. Not once did I evaluate the others who had successful swimming stories, but I was overcome by this one particular outcome.

This seems to be a common theme in today's society. Many of us fall prey to partial information that seems to be enough to halt us from moving. We hear of one or two tragic stories about a plane crash and then we develop a phobia about flying. Forget about the fact that we know of tons of persons who have very safe flying experiences all the time. On the contrary, we have become paralyzed by these one or two incidents. A few facts:

• A US National Safety Council study showed flying to be 22 times safer than travelling by car 
• 21,000 people (on average) die on the road in the US in a 6-month period. This is approximately the same amount of all commercial air travel fatalities WORLDWIDE in 40 years 
• More than 3million people fly EVERY DAY. 
• A Boeing aircraft takes off or lands every 2 seconds somewhere in the world – all day, every day! 

So you have a higher probability to die prematurely on the ground, yet you still are victimized by a flying horror story.

The fact of the matter is that we often function in the same manner as the lame man mentioning in the 5th chapter of John, at the pool of Bethesda. He heard what everyone else was saying and remained paralyzed based upon "their word" and "their experience". The sad reality was that after all those years that he sat waiting for a remedy from the pool, his healing was immediate when he heard something different. He didn't explore other options to see if the pool was the best option (at least we are not told that). Instead, he followed the majority and was no better off. It was only when the "unknown" came and offered a better option that his entire life changed for the better.

Tell me, what's worse?

• Blindly following others who exhibit no progress 
• Having access to a solution to your problems, but ignore it 

Until we can investigate for ourselves whether or not a solution is the best way, there is no reason to back away from the unknown.  How do you know the outcome?  What proof do you have it won't work for you? There is no guarantee that you will  have the same negative result as someone else.  Take a my flying example ... after 30+ years, I'm now at the point where I'm no longer afraid "to try" to learn how to swim. I realize now that the worse thing that could happen is that I could have a new way of exercising and a pleasurable experience. Why should I not even try something that could benefit me in so many ways? I must check it out for myself and not just assume I will also have a negative experience.

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 

(2 Timothy 1:7, KJV)

This spirit of fear is determined to keep you in such a state of terror that you forget all the success stories and remain paralyzed by the 1 or 2 failures. I've come to the point in my life where I think it's foolish to watch others at least try their best and make progressive steps. I'm in a state of rehabilitation where I'm learning how to move based on what I know, not what I've never bothered to explore. Once I begin to move, I realize that it wasn't as bad as it was made out to be (at least that's how I see it). Just like the family friend who was once unable to move, he now is mobile and doesn't allow it to prohibit him from living the best life he can.

Don't let your minimal knowledge cause you to remain paralyzed in any situation. God has all knowledge, so once we get in tune with the master, then we can move with certainty towards our destiny.  If you trust in God's plan for your life, there will be no room for fear.

Necessary Regrouping

"So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, 

The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm 

[I will not fear or dread or be terrified]. What can man do to me?" 

~ Hebrews 13:6, Amplified Bible

It's a new day and there seems to be so much on our plate these days. We often are trying to juggle this and that and it's inevitable that we are going to end up feeling overwhelmed and crash.  The reality is that you can only do but so much.  It's time to take a step back and 'regroup'.

One definition I found for 'regroup' that seems befitting (from merriam-webster's online dictionary) is:  to reorganize (as after a setback) for renewed activity.

So there you have it.  It's expected that there are times in our life when we will have moments of setback and they are meant for you to take a global look at what is going on and reorganize.  The goal of this reorganization is for renewed activity, instead of no activity.  We are supposed to evaluate things and then get active again!  


Yes, we have times of frustration and feel that we deserve a time out, vacation, sabbatical or just a “leave me alone” day.  But I ask you, “what will be your motivation to jump back into the game?”  You really can’t expect for your body to get used to being relaxed and lounging and then all of sudden feel the urge to move quickly and jump right into being active again.  It’s unreasonable and unrealistic.  

We all have times of vacation when we get so comfortable with not having any chores to do, punching a clock, running to meetings, rushing to a practice/game, etc.  We enjoy our down time and we should. The problem arises when it’s time to go back to work, go back to school or just get back into our daily routine.  Our mind says, “Ok that’s enough relaxing” but our body is screaming, “No not yet!  I need more time!”   It becomes an internal struggle to just get up and show up for the first day.  I have had many conversations with my peers while on vacation and they are dreading the idea of stopping their fun and relaxation.  In fact, many even take an additional day off when they return from vacation to get their mind prepared to get back into the daily routine.  

So then, what we need to do in this time of ‘universal setback’ is to reorganize our lives in a way that will bring about this renewed activity.  Take a look at what you’ve set in motion for yourself and evaluate whether it leaves you feeling renewed or drained.  Renew those things that will enrich, build, restore YOU.  What do I mean by 'renew':  to make like new : restore to freshness, vigor, or perfection; to make new spiritually.  Fear of the unknown causes us to halt and procrastinate.  I know it's scary to  begin anew and no one wants yet another setback.  The only danger is that when stuck in a state of fear, you tend to do nothing.  You haven't even tried to see what works or what is unsuccessful.  

We cannot afford to let the external circumstances in our life push us into a state of depression where we find it hard to do the basic stuff (i.e. get out of bed, leave the house, care for our family, smile, etc.).  What you must do is find a source of inspiration so that whenever things seem a bit overwhelming, you can be renewed in your spirit to keep going.

I challenge you (and myself) to no longer fall prey to the environment but to push ourselves to do better, try harder and make every effort to make the best out of every situation.  Don't try to keep up with everyone else, manage your own life within your own abilities.  Take the pressure off yourself so that you can enjoy life with no regrets.

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is 

breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, 

and then starting on the first one.“  

~  Mark Twain